SUNDAY 29 JULY 2001 - Flight to Mumbia
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Up at the crack of five forty five to get ready for a six fifteen pick-up. I didn't think these sort of hours existed on a Sunday. The taxi driver was unimpressed with a detour to
Chichester to get Stephen - especially as that was where she had come from in the first place. But 'he who will remain nameless' didn't want to get up early enough to be picked up first!
'Young love' was in full blossom with Danni turning out to wave bye, bye. We arrived at LHR shortly after eight and met up with Ian Smith, who incidentally has proved to be a good laugh.
Checking in etc.. went without a hitch.
The Air India 'plane, a 747, was 'interesting' the last time I saw wallpaper (yes wallpaper) like that was in a seedy bedsit sometime in the seventies. I was stuck up behind the driver
again, only this time it was worse as the loos were at the front as well, so even more through traffic. I don't know what the flight crew got up to either, but whatever it was, it
required a constant stream of stewardesses to keep them happy.
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In flight entertainment was a choice of whatever film they wanted to show, but as my remote control wasn't working I couldn't hear anything, make a selection, summon a stewardess, or even
turn the light on. Same thing with the (Vacant) seat next to me - sigh. I ended up sitting in a spare seat at the back of the cabin where the controls were eventually persuaded to work. I
don't know who the guy in the next seat was, but he spent about an hour in the cockpit, and later the captain left him a parcel.
We arrived at Mumbai nearer twelve local time than the scheduled eleven PM, having spent thirty minutes flying in circles waiting for a backlog of nine 'planes to clear. Still at least it
cut down to three hours the amount of time we had to spend in the Mumbai transit lounge.
Ian was beginning to think I was pulling his leg about conditions in India, as some smart Alec has tarted up the lounges, installed seats with cushions and put up a ceiling. In fact it's
now quite presentable.
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We were delayed leaving Mumbai (must have been those nine aeroplanes again) and on arrival at Bangalore took an age to clear customs. A miracle, in the form of an A/C car and driver
(Bhaskar) who speaks understandable English and doesn't think he's Sterling Moss, was waiting as planned.
Finally about five thirty I got to my room and started to unpack some essentials, only to find my case had been left out in the rain somewhere. A large proportion of my clothes were
soaked and worse yet, my address card had run all over some of them. There was nothing I could do other than unpack everything and hang it all out to dry. This operation was completed by
six thirty, by when the birdies were singing, and the autos were trumpeting away like mad. So I stuffed cotton wool in my ears and tried, successfully, to sleep.
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MONDAY 30 JULY 2001
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Fortunately, considering my early morning hanging out the washing exercises, Stephen and Ian had insisted on a lie-in. This meant I didn't get up till eleven thirty when I bagged up the
worst of my clothes for laundering. We ate at the hotel, which is well renowned for it's buffet lunches. Stephen "I feel terribly bloated and couldn't eat a thing" had two goes at the
buffet followed by some chocolate cake concoction and topped the lot off with a beer. This started him on the way to his new moniker of 3CB (three courses Bullas).
We got into the office around one thirty for introductions and following these I set to work on last Friday's meeting minutes. We finished work sometime after six, which upset me as we
were too late for a walk in the park. Instead we decamped to the hotel, and by seven O'clock were off down the MG Road to re-establish my love affair with the Tandoor restaurant.
Obviously I was too impatient as they had to open the place up for us. I had cause for celebration, as the thoughtfully provided scales indicated I'd just dropped below twelve stone (The
celebrations were short lived given the amount of food we were tucking into). The Kebab starters were (as usual) sublime, but some cock-up on the ordering front produced far too much
spinach that resulted in a less than perfect main meal.
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On returning to the hotel Ian and Stephen retired (wooses) but I was determined to stay up until at least eleven thirty to kick my body clock into Indian time. So I supported the local
economy from the comfort of the bar. Once again improvised ear defenders were needed to cut out the traffic noise and guarantee some sleep.
Oberoi Hotel MG Road Bangalore
Each room has its own little terrace. There are signs warning guests to keep the doors closed to keep out the monkeys. I didn't see any monkeys, but there were quite a few chipmunks to be
seen.
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TUESDAY 31 JULY 2001
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The hotel gardens - Just how big is that tree?
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Breakfast was very disappointing, especially considering how good the buffet lunch was. What were labelled as Dosas looked like compressed crumpets and didn't taste that brilliant either.
We got into work before nine and everyone else! Finished my minutes and Ian and I sorted out our presentations, finally breaking for lunch after two. Stephen "I feel terribly bloated and
couldn't eat a thing" and "anyway I've got my presentation to finish" was as good as his word and only ate half a chocolate bar while Ian and I went to Caesar's for a jolly nice and cheap
meal. In fact it turned out cheaper than I thought; as I discovered when we were discussing it later. Ian, who paid for the meal, said he was well impressed - it only cost Rs 540. No I
don't think it did. I'm pretty sure it was Rs 640 because I checked the bill and put in the tip. Just as well I was feeling generous. Even so I only tipped Rs150 - so they ended up with a
Rs10 tip. I don't think I'll be able to show my face in there again this trip.
After lunch I dropped Ian off at the hotel and went back to work finishing at five thirty, when Stephen went to collect the customers from the airport. I got us a car, and Ian and I went
down to Lalbagh Park for a good walk. My clothes were returned none the worse for their experience, so the ink must wash out fairly easily. The only thing I haven't had washed is 'me
titfer' which will have to wait 'till I get home.
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At Seven we met up with our customers, and fortunately they wanted a walk down MG Road. I say fortunately because Stephen suggested we eat Mexican in the hotel (the sacrilege). It turns
out Dwarkar (sp?) spent four years in Bangalore as a student. So it was back to the Tandoor, upstairs this time, and a truly excellent meal. Just as we were leaving the restaurant Geoff
said that he thought the restaurant was familiar. It turns out they were here the week before me in February. A quick consultation with the management confirmed my suspicions that the
upstairs was a recent addition, which also explained why Geoff hadn't recognised the place.
Back to the hotel and Geoff insisted on a final visit to the bar before we retired. Cotton wool at the ready, and into bed after one o'clock, in preparation for an eight fifteen start on
Wednesday.
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WEDNESDAY 1 AUGUST 2001
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We were in the office by nine and went straight into the presentations which went on all day, drawing to a close around Five O'clock. Every thing seemed to go well. It'll be a while until
we'll find out if we were successful.
I accidentally left my mobile on after lunch, and had to step out around four o'clock to answer a call, which turned out to be from a lorry driver in Portsmouth who had come to collect a
skip but couldn't find my house. Very surreal. He finished the conversation with "I'll see you in five minutes..." I decided it was better to just agree, though the temptation to tell him
he'd have a hard job and why was very strong.
Vijay invited everyone (nine or ten of us in all) involved in the day's events to his house for a meal in the evening. This was taken 'Hokey kokey' style. That is: in, out; in, out;
avoiding the rain. A power cut added to the entertainment. I've got used them now (there had already been a couple at the hotel this trip). Provided you can get your hand to your glass
all's well, you just keep talking and hope someone will produce a light. Vijay has a two-hour back-up supply, which once started saw us through.
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The food was again excellent, though we pigged out a bit on the nibbles as we weren't quite sure if there was a proper meal to follow, which of course there was.
On Thursday Ian intended to go shopping and then slob out. I asked him to keep an eye out for an ear trumpet for Stephen who needs his ears syringed or something. I had a couple of
conference calls, a meeting, and a chat with the team to get through. I talked Ravi into taking Ian and Geoff for a Thali (but I bet it won't be on a banana leaf). If the meetings could
be finished in time I intended to take Stephen along too.
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THURSDAY 2 AUGUST 2001
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I was up at eight, skipped breakfast, and got into work by nine. The BT Website wasn't working so it took over an hour and a long call to BT to change the conference call bookings. I had
not long been talking to the team when I was called to my first meeting which went on till two when my conference calls began. Once they were over it was back for more talks. I didn't get
away until gone eight PM, so no Thali, in fact no lunch at all, and no shopping either. Ravi did take Ian and Geoff out, but it wasn't to a real 'Locals' eatery.
Stephen was suffering an attack of the killer omelettes (that'll teach him not to eat the local cuisine) this was made worse by a temporary lack of water, flushing and washing for the use
of. There was plenty of water in the street, as it rained quite heavily during the day.
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Ian, as planned, spent the day shopping and resting and now has a cold. Both he and Stephen insisted on an early night. I was out voted on the choice of food and we had an expensive (but
very nice, I must admit) Chinese meal in the hotel. Despite the earlier deadly omelette attack Stephen managed to go two and a half courses.
I can only conclude that I am doomed to be accompanied by wooses on these trips, 'cos neither of them wanted to visit the pubs and clubs down the MG road. Not only that but, they didn't
want to get up early to travel to Mysore. So we are to leave at nine AM - sigh. Maybe I can coax them down to the pubs before we leave tomorrow. They haven't had a ride in an auto yet
either.
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FRIDAY 3 AUGUST 2001
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We were away just after nine, delayed by attempts at last minute shopping. Ian's cold was now affecting his hearing, so I had to suffer with two deaf buggers for the remainder of the
trip. There were constant exchanges of "What?" and "Pardon?" between Ian and Stephen, I subsequently dubbed them Mutt and Jeff.
Once we hit the open road Bhaskar's driving lost some of its restraint and the real Indian driver within was unleashed. We arrived at the Ranganathittu Bird Sanctuary around twelve to
demands for lunch. Fortunately I had packed some fruit which kept 3CB and Ian happy. We had a slow stroll along the river bank studying the Bamboo for snakes and decided to go for a
rowing boat trip.
The far Bank and Islands form the Bird Sanctuary
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A common sight by the road side, brick kilns appear anywhere and seem responsible for a great deal of soil erosion.
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The Paddy fields behind the sanctuary, verdant and wet in March, had dried up by this visit.
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It started to rain soon after we got on the river, almost immediately we spotted our first crocodile resting on a rock about 300 metres off. In fact there was a debate as to whether it
really was a crocodile, with Stephen inclined to think we were kidding him (he's blind as well as deaf). Our guide refused to take us over for a closer look, for reasons shortly to be
revealed. All the various birds performed impeccably, and didn't seem in the least perturbed by our presence. I can only think that this is because all the boats follow a regular route,
and therefore offer no threat. I was pleased to see the trees on the far shore were still thick with bats.
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No sooner had we started back than the guide started rowing towards a low Island covered in long grass, basking in which was a large - well quite large enough for us - Crocodile. It was
stock still, with its mouth wide open. In fact it was so still, we debated if it was real or stuffed. At this our guide went closer and tried to stir it up by splashing it. We were within
arms reach of the beast by now, and certainly didn't want it moving. We rowed on to another rock, occupied by three crocodiles playing statues. Again the guide pulled in too close for
comfort and tried to incite them into motion by splashing water at them. He assured us they only eat fish, but none of us fancied putting this theory to the test. They all looked
frightfully smug and self satisfied. Probably digesting their last meal of tourists, sorry, fish.
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Birds and not Crocodiles on one of the Islands
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Three smug Crocs on a rock
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Having regained the land and relative safety of the car we went on to Mysore, where Bhaskar, true to his word, seemed to know the way about. Lunch was at the very impressive Lalith Mahal
Palace Hotel. Once there Stephen immediately entered into negotiations at one of the hotels shops, ending up the proud owner of a jewellery box. Lunch was excellent, and 3CB lived up to
our expectations. I was disappointed though to find that the Musicians that had accompanied my previous meals here were absent. After Lunch we went for a short walk in the gardens, then
back to the car, and up Chamundi hill to the Sri Chamudeswari temple.
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Hotel Garden and Chamundi Hill
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Lalitha Mahal Palace Hotel
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At the Sri Chamudeswari Temple I made a mistake. I thought that Stephen with many trips to India under his belt and Ian under my tutelage would be able to cope. Wrong! I had hardly left
the car and gone five paces, before Ian and Stephen caught up to me bearing garlands of flowers and folds of paper for offerings. They were pursued by various vendors who wanted payment.
For some unfathomable reason (to me anyway) Stephen thought he was being given the flowers and package as a gift. He was labouring under the (very) odd idea that the normal Indian desire
to earn a rupee would not apply here on religious grounds - Ho ho!
Neither Ian nor Stephen had bought any cash from the car with them, D'oh! So my stock of small notes was quickly diminished.
It was getting late, but we decide to visit the temple anyway. Incidentally the outside of the temple was covered in wooden scaffolding and swathed in woven screens so it couldn't be
seen. I bought postcards for Ian and Stephen (More small notes gone) and amid protests got them to leave their shoes and ventured inside. Our arrival seemed to coincide with the
equivalent of several busloads of Indian tourists (as usual I managed to time my arrival with some festival) so it was a scrum to get in. Entertainment was provided by a troop of monkeys
nicking and eating the flower offerings. I followed Ravi's previous example and hired some local help, which seemed to come complete with a small boy, who assured me that school had
finished for the day, and offered to name any prime minister in Europe (a common ploy). The help got us into the temple fast, and even got us around the queue to the front of the shrine.
Here one of the priests seemed very disapproving when neither Stephen nor Ian could pay their way, even though I donated on their behalf!
Once out I gathered up (and paid for with the last of my small change) our shoes, paid off the guide and lad; though the latter kept harrying Stephen and Ian in typical Indian urchin
manner. Once back in the car Ian and Stephen insisted on giving pens and (I later found out) English change to the lad. I give up!
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Sri Chamudeswari temple without full complement of woven screens (taken in June)
Chamundi Hill Market
Both Ian and Stephen had found the whole temple experience less than satisfactory. They expected some quiet reflective, serene environment; not the crammed, jostling queues, commercialism
and cadging that pervades most of India anyway. Personally I enjoyed it and didn't see what the problem is.
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From the temple we went down to visit the Nandi (a huge Bull statue carved from stone). There were few tourists and no street sellers there, so they finally got their bit of serenity. We
were on the way down Chamundi Hill on our way to Mysore Palace when I saw my first mongoose, which ran across the road in front of us. It looked a bit like a stoat on steroids. Given that
they're partial to snakes and this one was looking well fed, I'll be keeping away from the brush.
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This Nandi is one of India's largest at 5m high
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Final visit of the day was Mysore Palace, my third visit. I'd dearly like to see it lit up. From the photographs it looks most amazing, there are reputed to be over 10,000 light bulbs
around the outline of the building, but that will have to wait for another trip. While buying the tickets I found myself advising an Indian tourist on the merits of visiting the Palace,
I've obviously been here too often. I'm pleased to say that Stephen and Ian were suitably impressed, though there were some minor whinges about having to leave their shoes again. I cut
short our visit by omitting a look at the small museum attached to the palace. It was now time to hit the road, get our bags and head home.
The trip back started well; then it got dark. Half the vehicles had no lights and those that did seemed to be deliberately adjusted to point into the oncoming driver's eyes; presumably to
light up the road edge markings which are conveniently located a metre or two up the trees that line the roads. Another interesting aspect of night driving is that everyone moves to the
middle of the road to avoid accidentally falling off the edge. This is fine except when you're overtaking or meet a truck, with or without lights, going the opposite direction. Couple
this with no concept of dipped headlights and it's a recipe for disaster and raw nerves.
Despite a couple of near misses, including an auto driving towards us in the outside lane of a dual carriageway, we arrived at the hotel on schedule to tidy up and head for home.
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The Maharaja's Palace, Mysore
The Palace at Night
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SATURDAY 4 AUGUST 2001
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We left the hotel shortly after twelve, intending to spend our last three hours in the comfort of the executive departure lounge of Bangalore Airport. Bit of a shame that the
international departure lounge (warehouse) hasn't got anything apart from the most basic of facilities. So it was a long wait for the three AM flight to Mumbai.
At Mumbai we had another two-hour wait, only at least there was the comfort of the Air India transit lounge. I'm not sure that comfort is the word as we could hear what sounded like very
large rodents scrummaging and partying behind the walls.
The flight back was uneventful, and we arrived half an hour early. Too early, as there was no gate free for us and we had to wait three quarters of an hour before we could park up on the
apron and be bussed to the terminal. On finally reclaiming our luggage, I discovered mine appeared to have been dipped in a lake. A typically Indian end to the trip, though that wasn't
quite the end. We encountered a large traffic jam on the way back and ended up taking about an hour longer than expected to complete the final lap. Oh well.
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Gary Allman
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Images and text Copyright © 2001 Gary Allman
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